


Taking Umbridge

by bonessibling



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood Quill, Corporal Punishment, Crack, Dark Crack, F/M, Hate Sex, Horcrux Hunting, Polyjuice Potion, Punishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 09:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4661586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonessibling/pseuds/bonessibling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are too horrible to imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Umbridge

“We have to go as soon as day breaks. They'll find us if we don't.”

“But Harry--”

“No buts.” The boy-that-lived whispered harshly. “They're coming too close, and unless we can figure out how they're pulling this off, we have to keep moving.”

The tent was dark as midnight. Harry gazed out into the near-starless night. Ron and Hermione watched him; he'd been on a ragged edge, and even though he was sitting still, there was a shiver in his shoulders. The fatigue was getting to him.

Ron was about to reach out to his friend, when Harry flinched forward like a startled deer. He shook his head. “I'll go out on watch. You two stay here.”

Before either of his companions could say anything, the young wizard was out into the night. For a long moment, there was nothing but darkness and the near-silence broken by the soft breath of the remaining pair.

“Ron..?” Hermione said quietly. “Do you think he's right? That we're just going to have to keep running?”

“It's that or fight them.” Ron answered in a whisper. “And I don't much like our odds with that.”

Ron laid back on his bedroll. He could feel his spine finally relax a bit. They'd been running all day. He was so tired. His eyes began to slide close, but snapped back open again as he heard Hermione slide closer to him.

“Ron, if … If this is it. If we're going to run or die...”

“Hermione?”

She said nothing more, but Ron felt her hand on his thigh. He drew in a sharp breath. “What're you--”

“Shhh.” She said. In an instant, she'd rolled so that she was atop him, her hair twining down like a curtain between their faces. Ron was about to question it again when her lips pressed against his. The kiss was a tentative thing at first, both Ron and Hermione embarrassed and unsure, but the connection grew more demanding, more intimate; they both knew this moment would likely never happen again.

Ron almost gasped as he felt Hermione's hand slip under the waistband of his pyjamas. Her fingertips brushed against his cock, and she let out a throaty moan into his mouth as her fingers encircled his rapidly-growing length. She drew back from the kiss and smiled impishly, “I've wanted this for so long--”

There was a cracking noise, and Ron suddenly looked over his shoulder, then sighed and began to pull his trousers back together. He'd been trying to release the tension he'd felt for the weeks he'd spent away from Hermione and Harry. He was relatively sure they hadn't missed him at all, and were likely doing in real life what he'd spent the past few nights fantasizing about. Hermione and Harry, fucking their brains out. That was the way it was to be. Still, thought Ron, Man can dream, can't he? And deep down inside, it wasn't just the sex. It was the friendship he felt he had lost that tormented him so.

But he'd been distracted. He'd been waiting in the woods for some time, trying to figure out if he could find whatever it was that the death-eaters were using to track down the resistance bands. It had been something that needed be done, but as the days turned into weeks, the truth that Hermione and Harry had really been the thinkers and investigators of their band had begun to sink in. Ron began to become more angry and frustrated, and the night before it had only been the barest of self-control that had stopped him from trying to beat the hell out of a goblin that Ron had trusted as an 'informant'.

That night, though, Ron had to wait. He didn't like the forest; it seemed unworldly to him. He chided himself; he'd faced supernatural creatures of almost every description. A spooky forest shouldn't have fazed him at all, and yet, there was something different there that seemed even more unnatural.

But he pushed the thought out of his mind. He'd been watching the small group of nearby buildings since just after sunset. The tiny village wasn't on most maps; the strong wizard population there made sure of it. There were rumors that Ron had picked out that it was a 'safe place' for the death-eaters and their kin. A place of dark wickedness, a merman had told him. Best to stay away. 

The car was approaching the small inn that was at the edge of town. It was for this that Ron hadn't been able to stay away. This would be the break that would allow him to figure out the searching magics, and help Hermione and Harry stay safe from those that were hunting them. 

Plus it would allow for a little more personal revenge. That he would not deny.

Quickly and quietly, Ron crept through the tree cover to see the figure dressed in stomach-medicine pink exit the car and hurry toward the inn. She swayed a bit as she walked, and Ron felt a little twinge that he wasn't completely comfortable with watching the movement. Still, his plan had that very discomfort in mind. He'd have to deal with it.

The inn itself had a certain creature warmth to it. Even from outside, Ron could hear the welcoming voices and the chatter that came from any public house he'd ever been to. If he didn't know the place was a hive of scum and villainy, he'd practically swear he was simply in a darker section of Hogsmeade. 

Gathering up his courage, the young man drew the vial from his pocket. It had cost him almost all the money he'd had left, and he had to make some unsavory connections to get it in the first place. Polyjuice was really one of his least favorite things in the world, but when it came to this mission, he'd promised himself he would do whatever it took to prove himself to his cause, his friends, and himself. He swallowed down the vile concoction, and waited for the space of ten heartbeats before walking in.

The main room of the inn was lightly populated at that hour. There were a few wizards at a table, conversing quietly but with intimate friendliness. A haggard-looking barman was wiping down his bar with a dingy cloth, and sitting across from him was a bored-looking woman munching peanuts and nursing a drink. She looked curvy and enticing, and for a moment, Ron could do little but stare at her. As she began to turn her gaze toward him, however, he snapped out of it and continued to scan the room.

In the corner was his target. Dolores Umbridge sat, downing a beer and looking somewhat frustrated. She was tapping her fingers on the tabletop, obviously impatiently waiting something or someone. It was just that thing that Ron had been targeting.

He took long strides over to where she sat and smiled as warmly as he could arrange. “Excuse me. Is this seat taken?”

Umbridge looked up at Ron, and for a moment he thought he saw a look of recognition. He almost panicked and ran, but the look quickly faded to be replaced by one cautiously unsure.

“No. Not taken.” Umbridge replied, her tone a little suspicious.

“Might I join you?” 

Dolores shrugged. “If you like.”

Ron sat down and gave as winning a grin as he could. “I'm not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Oh no, no.” Dolores responded. “I'm waiting for someone, but I'm early.” She gave a weary smile that made Ron want to slap her. “Quite early in fact.”

“Really?” Ron continued to smile, and though it made his stomach churn, he added. “I wouldn't want to make a woman like you wait.”

His stomach took another loop as his former tormentor responded with the giggle he'd grown to loathe. “You're far too kind.” She said. 

“Not at all.” He smiled. Keep it together. This was your plan. Stick with the plan. He looked over his shoulder and motioned to the bartender. “Two here, please.”

Dolores just smiled as the drinks were delivered.

Ron quickly learned three things. One, he was not much of a drinker. After a short time he'd found himself laughing more readily, but also found the room spinning slightly. Two, the James Bond thing he'd suspected he'd be able to pull off was a little harder than he thought; he ran out of Sean Connery lines within the first half hour, and he was struggling to find a way to get Dolores to talk about her contact. Things were starting to look bleak. Then he learned the third thing.

Dolores seemed as bad at this as he was.

They were upstairs at the inn, both giggling and tipsy, in Dolores' room. Ron had just told one of Fred's best jokes, the bawdy one about the mermaid and the fisherman, and Dolores' face was almost crimson with laughter. “So naughty.” She chided. “I'd punish someone for that.”

“Oh really?” Ron slurred. “How naughty does someone have to be for special punishment?”

Dolores giggled again and backed slightly away from Ron. “Well, let's see...”

Ron's jaw dropped as Dolores began unbuttoning her blouse. He'd planned this as the second part of the plan; to revenge-fuck his nemesis with his enormous polyjuice'd cock after he'd seduced her for the secret of the tracking spells. But things were moving fast, and, try as he might, Ron couldn't deny the intense pull of the throbbing in his pants. Perhaps he'd polyjuiced a little too strongly...

But there was little time for thought. Dolores was standing in front of him, naked save for stockings and a garter belt of the same nauseating shade of pink that adorned the clothes now on a pool on the floor.

“Would you like some punishment, naughty boy?”

Ron could scarcely get a word out. Dolores grinned and looked pointedly at the crotch of his trousers. “Here. Lie down on the bed. Let me help you with that.”

The young man found himself doing as he was told. Dolores knelt between his legs and unfastened his belt, folding it in half as she drew it away from him. She slapped it lightly against his chest. “Naughty boy.” She chided softly.

Ron reached for her as she began to unfasten his pants, but she shook her head. “None of that. Not yet.” She pushed his hands away gently and continued to undress him.

Before he could protest, he heard Umbridge gasp. He looked down to see her marveling at the size of his erection. She looked a little scared, if anything. “I'm not sure... I'm not sure I can...”

Ron knew it was then or never. He sat up and flipped Umbridge over. She gave a little squeal as he pressed himself between her legs. He'd spent hours thinking of this moment, coming up with witty things to say as he would slam into her, but none of it came. He'd been so frustrated for so long, all he could do was thrust into her.

She let out a little shriek that was music to Ron's ears, and he began to push in, then draw out, slowly only at first, his pace rapidly rising. His grunts and gasps rose along with Dolores', and he found himself squeezing his eyes shut, thrusting as hard as he could. He wanted to make her feel every over-sized inch of him, but more than that, he wanted this pleasure. He needed it.

Erecto Stasis!

In a flash, Dolores' words had Ron paralyzed. He couldn't move a single muscle. His eyes were looking down at Umbridge as her look of painful ecstasy turned into one of mild amusement. 

“Oh Mr. Weasley, what an enormous cock you have. Or rather, had.” She said, pulling away from his supine form. “Did you really think this revenge-fuck plan of yours had any merit?”

She stood next to the bed and grabbed his manhood, which felt to be shrinking rapidly. Her voice was calm and measured as she spoke. “Do you remember what you and your friends did to me? You left me to the centaurs. The centaurs. If you'd made yourself into a battering ram, you'd not have concerned me.” Her belittling giggle at this sent shivers up his spine.

Ron tried to keep his eyes on Dolores, but she moved out of his vision. He could hear her rummaging around as she continued to speak.

“And a black-market polyjuice potion, Mr. Weasley? Really? Did you think that the ministry has no idea who's selling what? I knew you bought it, and once I talked directly to the seller, I knew why. You really are a foolish, wicked boy Mr. Weasley.”

Ron knew what was coming next, but he still flinched as Umbridge said it.

“And wicked boys get punished.”

Ron felt Dolores' hands on him, pulling him and manipulating him into position so he was sitting naked at the edge of the bed. Much to his surprise and fear, Dolores was still mostly naked, now with a wand and a vial in her hand.

“Don't try to struggle against this, Mr. Weasley. This is some of the most powerful magic out there, and it would take equally powerful magic to break it. You don't have that, and we both know it.”

She poured the vial onto Ron's chest, and the fluid dripped down into his crotch. He could feel himself growing smaller, and a tingle run through him.

“Special stuff.” Dolores explained. “Gets rid of the polyjuice effect, which is nice so I can see you as you're supposed to be. The other half intensifies all sensation. Pleasure...” She reached over and barely touched his thigh. Ron felt as if half his sexual fantasies were being fulfilled with that light touch. “...And pain.”

Ron tried to wince away. Dolores laughed. “Oh no. I wasn't going to demonstrate that just yet. You will do it for me.”

Dolores lifted her wand and muttered something under her breath. Ron felt the spell that transfixed him lifting ever so slightly. His spirits raised, but then sank again immediately as Dolores smiled.

“Do you remember the blood quill, Mr. Weasley? The one that made you and your kind tell the truth, and be marked by it?”

There was a slight pause, then Dolores gave her little giggle again. “I suspect you do, but you can't nod right now. In any case, I had to work very hard and experiment quite a bit before I could make those. You've just been enchanted with an earlier... Much more experimental version of that spell. Now. Here we go...”

With an almost loving gentleness, Dolores put her wand aside and took Ron's hand, then placed it on his cock.

“Start. Now.”

The juice and Ron's own frustration drew him. Even the slightest touch on his cock drew him forward, and he couldn't help but begin to stroke himself. He wanted to get off. He absolutely needed to climax. It was every part of his will...

And his backside exploded into pain.

He paused for only a moment. He had to continue. He couldn't stop himself. The pain had pushed him back from release, but he surged forward. Nothing else in the world mattered.

And another explosion of pain.

Dolores giggled as Ron couldn't stop his actions. “I'd wanted to have it carve into you, “I will not masturbate.” But let's face facts. You couldn't help yourself even without my little aids. It was hardly a secret in the school. “Masturbating Ron” was the name that floated around. Trust me, if I'd been allowed to enact other punishments beyond what the inquisition was set up for, you'd have been at the top of my list.

Ron tried to hold back. The pain and non-release was starting to drive him to tears, and for just a moment, he felt as if he might break free just due to this. Then Dolores leaned in and whispered in his ear.

“I couldn't do it because there were too many other students in the same boat. Do you know how often your name was moaned out of Hermione Granger's lips at night?”

It was too much for Ron. Tears started falling as he kept trying to push himself over the edge, only to be slashed down by pain again and again. Time seemed to become nothing, just fiery frustrating over and over and over, punctuated by Dolores' demonic giggling.

“I think I'll bring some friends up here.” Dolores glared. “I bet they'd like to see this.”

Just as she began to pick up her clothes, however, Ron heard the door smash open.

“What the hell?” Dolores screeched, her eyes wide. From where he couldn't see, a blast of multicolored energy sizzled across the room, knocking Dolores down. She had a look of raw panic in her eyes, and she cried out, “No! No! You can't! I---”

Ron felt himself suddenly free of the spell, and he stood quickly, half wanting to orgasm, half wanting to run. He turned to see who his rescuer was.

There, standing in the doorway... Was a horse. A multicolored unicorn with wings. It glared at Umbridge with unbridled hatred, but then looked at Ron a little embarrassedly.

“How... How did you...” Ron stammered. “What are you...?”

“I live in the forest you had to pass through.” The Equestrian said. “I heard of your plight, and decided to lend a hand. I was able to break through that curse on you because, well... Friendship is magic....”

Ron, half-naked, horny, and in pain, looked between the form of the terror-stricken Dolores naked on the floor and the object of her terror, a wizard-unicorn with a thing for friendship. He found himself smiling at his tormentor.

“You've been a very bad girl, Dolores...”

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by Harry Potter Lego Years 5-7 and the unspeakable things one can do with JK Rowling's characters.


End file.
